Menu Planning for Extended Family Gatherings

with grocery lists & a million things I learned the hard way!

Hello from sunny Brooklyn, where after the very very cold of the last few weeks, 35 degrees basically feels balmy :)

We were in Texas for a long weekend this last weekend visiting Aaron’s family—a belated Christmas gathering, a cold day at the beach, lots of sweet moments listening to Henry and Aaron’s dad playing Bob Dylan songs on guitar together. Dance parties, silly games, nerf gun wars, lots of laughter. Little girls and Barbies, fried shrimp in a basket at a beach bar, outlaw night out at a Tiki bar by the bay.

As you might imagine, my job with both extended families is to captain the food side of things when we get together, and since we were with my in-laws this past weekend and with my family over Thanksgiving, this is fresh on my mind.

I’ve done this sometimes well and sometimes poorly over the years, and over the years the families have grown—feeding adults is one thing, throwing in babies and toddlers is another, and a gaggle of school-age kids quite another. I’ve done this at the cottage a million times, but also at rental houses and airbnbs, on a boat, and most recently at my sister-in-law’s house—19 of us all under one roof!

Here’s how I think about extended family gathering food prep and menu-planning:

1. Think through YOUR actual people—what do they love? What matters most to them? Are meals central to the experience, or is it more about getting people fed & on their way? What dietary restrictions/allergies/aversions need to be factored in?

2. Think through what the space and schedule allow—is there a great grocery store right around the corner? Or does a grocery run require a major excursion? Is there good takeout nearby? Is there a jam-packed itinerary, or is cooking together part of the fun?

3. Look over your plan and make it easier—every host (or at least THIS host) makes it harder than it needs to be in the first version of the plan. Too much homemade, too much to bring, too many courses or options. Go through your plan and simplify in at least one or two areas…it’s an investment in your future and your sanity!

4. Look over your plan and make it fun (and/or add something local)--maybe this is Ring Pops or Pop Rocks for the kids, or maybe it’s a flavor of ice cream that will remind your siblings of childhood. Maybe it’s a fun new flavor of chips or a local must-try item.

5. Ask for help—repeat, repeat, repeat. Be really clear about which parts of all this you can carry, and which parts are too much. For example: I’ll go to the store every time we need it, but I reeeally don’t want to be the one taking out the trash over and over. And I’m happy to make the overall plan, but I definitely would love a hand tossing a salad or making the guacamole.