All Things NYC, on our 5-Year New York-iversary
a few favorite books, gifts & spots to visit, & also my NYC rules...
Yesterday marked a milestone for our family: we’ve lived in New York City for five years! There are, of course, many opinions on what makes you a New Yorker officially…5 years? Ten years? Living here through a tragedy or disaster like Hurricane Sandy or 911 or the pandemic?
I don’t know if we’re official yet, by any metric, but last night we looked at photos from our last days before moving and our first days/weeks/months here, and it was so wild to realize how much has changed—how much we’ve changed.
The boys, of course—Henry was 12 and William was 7 (and still going by Mac!), and now William is nearly as tall as me and Henry is much taller. I can hear New York in their voices sometimes—when they say haaarible!—and their food preferences have definitely shifted: dumplings and oysters and BECs are as normal to them these days as PB & J and cereal.
And there are so many ways that living in New York these last five years has changed me, but when I really narrow in on it, there are three that rise above the rest:
The magic of walking
It’s the first thing I notice when I travel anywhere else now—I miss walking. I miss the stretch of my legs and the way my mood evens out as I go, my breath regulating and slowing. I miss people-watching and noticing architectural details and flower boxes and the smell when you walk by a bakery or a coffee shop. Walking is one of my greatest medicines, greatest joys, favorite activities. It was one of the things that drew me most to city life, and will be one of the things I miss most, if we ever live somewhere else. Walking is my jam.
Learning to advocate for myself & my people
Early on in our time here, I was at an ice cream shop with a friend and our kids. Someone cut in front of me, and I let them. And then my friend—very kindly—said to them, Sorry! We’re in line, and you can get in line after us. And they did. No drama, but also no inner resentment—just speaking up in a clear, firm way. AND I’M INTO IT.
I’m into it in situations like that—waiting in line or getting the attention of the butcher behind the counter, or asking someone to move one seat over on the subway so I can sit with my kids. But I’m also into in all kinds of other ways—no, that doesn’t work for my schedule. I need more time to finish this project. I’d prefer to do it this way.
As a woman, as a Christian, as a midwesterner, I realize now that I was taught mostly to agree, to acquiesce, to meet needs and minimize my own. New York has taught me to advocate for myself, my people, my needs—not in a dramatic way, but in a clear and firm way, and I like it.
Creativity and inspiration
Years ago my friend Mark told me that New York affects creative people in one of two ways: for some creative people, it’s overwhelming. It floods their senses, rattles their bones, makes it impossible for them to do good creative work. And for some creative people, it wakes them up, energizes them, sharpens their senses and fills them up with ideas and creative possibilities—and I am definitely the latter. Living in New York feels like being plugged into a power source, in the best possible way, like I’m joining a whole legacy of makers and storytellers, and I just love it.
Just for fun, here are my NYC rules—an ever-evolving list:
Always dip into Central Park if you’re nearby, even if just for a few blocks
Always have a tote & a running grocery list—you never know when that fruit market might have great berries or that deli might have the tin foil you ran out of three days ago.
Don’t take it personally—when we first moved here, we thought everyone was mad at us. It’s just how they talk…they’re in a hurry, and they’re probably not thinking about you at all. :)
Crying and/or fighting in public are totally socially acceptable. I’ve absolutely done both, and there’s something very freeing about it. You can sob on the street, scream into your phone, yell at your partner in the middle of the street and no one bats an eye.
Get used to talking about how much rent you pay & also people you barely know opening your closets—it’s a thing here. Someone explained it to me like this: we’re all paying such outrageous amounts that you might as well just be open about it, and if someone schlepps all the way to your apartment, they want to see every inch of it, sort of like we’re all our own real estate agents and it’s market research.
Always wear comfortable shoes—I cannot stress this enough. I have ruined otherwise lovely outings because my feet hurt, and I’ve bought shoes right in the moment (twice!) because I wore the wrong ones and didn’t want to cut short the day. It’s not worth it—we walk miles and miles on the regular, so comfort over fashion all the way.
Never wear your shoes inside your apartment or anyone else’s. When you think for even one second about all the things you walk through on the city streets—even JUST all the dog pee—and then you think about those shoes on your carpet or (gasp!) coffee table? NOPE. Shoes on the landing forever, please.
Never get in an empty subway car, or one with only one person in it (there’s a reason).
If you’re visiting New York City this holiday season, you know my favorite spots—here’s Our Family’s Perfect Three Days in NYC, 15 NYC Restaurants I Love and 15 More NYC Restaurants I Love.
I know when you come in just for a weekend, especially at Christmas, it’s easy to never leave Rockefeller Center/5th Avenue/Central Park, but if I could encourage you to spend at least one afternoon downtown, I know you’ll love it…
Six favorite spots:
The Strand An absolute institution of a bookstore in Union Square—you could spend hours (days!) there.
Russo’s and Veniero’s A mozzarella-and-pasta shop and an Italian bakery right next door to each other in the East Village. Very old New York vibes, in the best possible way.
John Derian The most beautiful and eccentric home store—dishes and ornaments and candles, all displayed in the most gorgeous, over-the-top way. I want to live here.
The Pickle Guys Okay, I want to live here, too. Barrels and barrels of things you’d never think of pickling (mango! mushrooms! beets!) alongside all the old faithfuls—half-sour, full sour, etc. And it’s always crowded and run by guys who yell and banter, and it feels a little bit like being in a movie. I always get the mangoes, the gherkins, and then something I’ve never tried—sometimes I like it and sometimes I hate it, but that’s all part of the fun.
Hotel Chelsea Hotel Chelsea is a legend—Bob Dylan, Joni Mitchell, Leonard Cohen, Patti Smith and so many other musicians and artists lived there or stayed there or wrote about it. You can read about it in Inside the Dream Palace or The Chelsea Girls. It’s just a couple blocks away, and when we moved here it was closed—in the middle of a long battle between developers and the city and the long-term residents, but it just reopened and it is GORGEOUS. The Cafe Chelsea is lovely—get the ravioli, the maitake au poivre, and the chocolate soufflé. The Lobby Bar is great, too—and you can wander all through the main floor to all different little bars and sitting areas. Totally worth stopping in for a glass of wine and a peek at all the beautiful spaces.
Breads Bakery Our first holiday season here, a friend introduced me to Breads Bakery, especially their sufganiyot and latkes that you can special order during Hanukkah, and their babka and challah all year round.
If you’re a reader, you’ve read gazillions of books set in New York City—I remember feeling like before I ever visited, I could have drawn a city map just based on all the books I read that are set here, and one thing I loved when I did start visiting was the familiarity of it all—so many things I’d read about that were all of a sudden right in front of me: bodega cats and Greek diners with rotating pie cases and whole ducks hanging from hooks in Chinatown windows and granny carts for groceries.
When we first moved here, I asked local friends for recommendations and read everything I could get my hands on—here are a handful of quintessential NYC books:
Here is New York by EB White
Let The Great World Spin by Colum Mc Cann
A Tree Grows in Brooklyn by Betty Smith
Insomniac City by Bill Hayes
Just Kids by Patti Smith
Edward Hopper’s New York from the recent exhibition at the Whitney
And if there’s a NYC-enthusiast in your life, a few favorite NYC-themed gifts:
The MOMA store (and website!) is the best—interesting gifts and home goods, great beanies and baseball caps, and this gem that I keep on my desk filled with pens: Moma NYC coffee cup.
New York or Nowhere I love this brand—over the years we’ve bought sweatshirts and totes and hats, and last time I was in their store in Soho, I was very tempted to buy this.
Levain Cookies Absolutely legendary cookies—I’d be delighted to receive this box!